A Wagging Tongue Does Not Necessarily Mean Cunnilingus
A Satanic Sermon on charm for the Post-AI Age
Old world gentleman’s club.
Holborn, London.
Marcus, an estate agent.
Bending my ear about his failure to attract women.
Me sprawled out on a leather couch, Marcus on a nearby chair, he proceeded to regale me with his misadventures — all of which seemed to be on social media.
MARCUS: I follow loads of girls. And when anyone I fancy comes in the office I always give them my card with my Insta. If they follow me, and then I DM them, they never get back.
DOK: Hardly surprising. You are just another follow. All they want is numbers to boost their following. You need to think about what’s in it for them. The WIIFT Rule.
MARCUS: I just want to fuck them, and that’s it.
DOK: Quite so, and admirably honest. Problem is, however adept you may be in the art of love, it’s still a fail.
MARCUS: What should I do?
DOK: They key is to be dexterous of tongue, shall we say. In other words you need to master the art of glam-chat.
MARCUS: What’s that when it’s at home?
DOK: By Jupiter’s almighty wanger, you weren’t exactly endowed with the requisite allotment of brain cells were you. Never mind, all is not lost. The art is to ‘wag your tongue’ in a mellifluous manner.
MARCUS: What? Like when I go down on them, you mean?
DOK: I’m not saying adopting a mellifluous approach in that regard wouldn’t come amiss. But it’s about getting to that point. This involves cultivating a silver-tongue. And no, none of this is about cunnilingus. It’s about charm and charisma.
MARCUS: Right, well I’ve never had much of that. How do I go about getting it?
With that I pulled out my silver pendulum and let it swing back and forth, watching his eyes get heavier and heavier, until he was in a deep trance.
In my well-seasoned velvety cadence, I instructed him to see himself standing upon a hill somewhere in the countryside.
The hill is your beacon of agency and your own authenticity. Feel the warm breeze on your skin, a reminder of the force of nature that resonates within you.
In this moment you are your true self, free from doubt and limiting conditioning.
You are evoking the deep power that lies within yourself.
Picture yourself engaging socially, with women in particular. See yourself listening with interest to the words they say. Asking questions from genuine curiosity.
To keep the conversations engaging, draw upon your own passions, your interests... that way you will discover your own unique charm.
I let the pendulum swing to and fro for a while, allowing a natural pause for Hypnos, the winged young fella-me-lad to swoop down and deepen Marcus’ slumber.
In this vision, you are not seeking conquest, but connection. You are not driven by gross ego, but by the authenticity of real self. Thus you will come across as warm and genuine — because that’s exactly what you are.
With that, I swept aside the influence of Hypnos, and brought Marcus back to the here and now.
He looked a little dazed.
Hardly surprising given that his bovine nature had just been upgraded to one more civilised.
Above all I had spared the fair sex of the embarrassment of being confronted by the young man that was once Marcus.
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