🧨 “Ask Doktor Snake”: Sex Magazines, Skull Spells, and Almost Eating Human Flesh
The time I became the only voodoo agony uncle in Maxim — and narrowly dodged a cannibalistic stunt in Southwark...
Back in 2005, Britain was high on the last wheeze of pre-social media madness. The internet hadn’t taken over yet, but the old world was definitely cracking. Magazines like Loaded and Maxim were the bleeding edge of chaos — a cocktail of irony, taboo baiting, and testosterone-fuelled absurdity.
That’s when I got the call.
They didn’t want a priest.
They didn’t want a guru.
They wanted a voodoo agony uncle.
And so “Ask Doktor Snake” was born — a monthly Maxim column where I dished out hoodoo solutions to horny, heartbroken, and hapless British lads. One bloke wrote in asking how to banish his ex. Another wanted to boost his magnetism. One needed a spell to stop crying over Jack Daniel’s. I answered them all — with spellcraft, roots, and a skull in hand.
These were real workings. Dosed with irony, yes. But there was blood under the page ink.
🔥 The Sun Took Note
The first time my Maxim column hit the shelves, I got a message from a journo at The Sun:
“Spot on, mate. Pukka.”
Translation: I’d pulled it off. I'd embedded the occult into the most mainstream laddish magazine in the country — and no one batted an eyelid.
They thought it was all a bit of fun.
But I knew what I was really doing:
Injecting chaos magick into the collective bloodstream.
🍖 The Cannibal Incident
Around the same time, I’d written Cannibals: The Cult of Anthropophagy under my real name, Jimmy Lee Shreeve. A Loaded editor invited me to a Southwark pub — food, drinks, the usual magazine banter.
Then he dropped it.
“We want to do a piece on eating human flesh. Maybe get you involved.”
I paused. “That’d be illegal, mate.”
He leaned in. “Not if it’s from a mortuary. I ran it past legal.”
I laughed, sidestepped the madness, and finished my pint.
But that was the vibe. These weren’t just magazines. They were gonzo laboratories where reality could break at any time — if you had the nerve. You had to be game. Or you’d be out.
💀 The Bigger Picture
Looking back, “Ask Doktor Snake” wasn’t just a cheeky column. It was an infiltration. I was weaving spellcraft through pop culture. Speaking to a generation of men who were lost, raw, curious — but couldn’t admit it.
They thought they were reading Maxim for the girls and the gear.
But some of them walked away with a conjure bag and a mind virus.
And now?
Those readers are in their 40s and 50s.
Some of them are on my client list.
The joke became real.
—
Doktor Snake
Still dispensing rituals for the lost and the mad — only now the stakes are higher, and the Simulation’s tearing at the seams.
🧿 Want your own ritual?
You don’t need to write to a lad mag. You just need to ask.
➡️ Commission a working
➡️ Join Dokology if you’re ready for the real upgrade
➡️ Or leave a comment if you remember Maxim and chaos in the gutter