Part One: Death by Vampire & Demons
"Never play poker with a man who doesn’t blink — and never make enemies with one who doesn’t age." – R. Lovejoy
Scene 1 – The Club
"No afterlife for you, my dear sweet duckie…"
Raoul Lovejoy swirled his brandy, lounging like a man without a care in the oak-panelled hush of the St. James’s club. The lamplight caught the glint in his eye — part mischief, part menace.
Across from him sat the MI6 officer. Neat haircut, neat tie, neat expression. Neat men are the most dangerous.
Lovejoy took a delicate sip. “You could say the two assassins died at the hands of a vampire. If you believe such things, sugarplum.”
The MI6 man’s lips twitched — almost a smile, but not quite.
“We know what you are, Mr Lovejoy. Unfortunately, the CIA knew first. You’ve caused them more headaches in the Southern States than any cartel. Anne Rice would have blushed.”
“Ah, but justice was done, my dear chap.”
“Perhaps. But the CIA still wants you.”
“Well,” said Lovejoy, setting down his glass, “they can’t have me. They lack the finesse.”
The MI6 man leans forward. “Then tell me, Lovejoy — what really happened in the South?”
Scene 2 – Driscilla
"Every damsel in distress deserves a white knight — unless she prefers a darker horse." – R. Lovejoy
“One of your Nazi–gangster hybrids — organized crime first, goose-stepping second — got hold of my consort. Driscilla. She’d been in their hands for decades. The husband — her captor — was an assassin with a taste for fascist politics and worse. She didn’t age, of course. He did.”
Lovejoy’s tone turned wry. “We are not invincible. Captivity corrodes us — like tigers in zoos. She called to me, telepathically. Sporadic… like a bad radio signal. But enough.”
“So,” said the MI6 man, “you went to rescue her?”
Lovejoy’s grin sharpened. “Not exactly, petal…”
Scene 3 – The First Hunt
"If you want to frighten a man, whisper the truth to him in the dark." – R. Lovejoy
“She was under heavy mind control. Gaslighting worthy of Langley itself. I made contact when he was out — slow deprogramming. The more she remembered, the more he panicked. He’d tried to kill her before. This time, I decided to… intervene.”
Lovejoy leaned back. “I don’t need passports. The astral plane is rather more efficient. I visited him at night. At first, he thought it was bad dreams. Then he saw me — really saw me — and wept in the dark.”
“And then?” asked the MI6 man.
Lovejoy’s eyes gleamed. “Then the fun began, cupcake…”
Scene 4 – The Predator at Work
"Never mistake refinement for harmlessness." – R. Lovejoy
“There were… incidents. His car swerving for no reason. Sitting at table, blank-eyed for half an hour. Finally, the night came. He rose from bed, gun in hand, to kill her. He dropped dead before he could pull the trigger.”
Lovejoy poured more brandy. “Clean, efficient, poetic… my three favourite adjectives.”
The MI6 man didn’t smile. “But you weren’t finished, were you?”
Scene 5 – Demons in the South
"Demons are like good champagne — best served at the right temperature and to the right guests." – R. Lovejoy
“The gang came back for her. Recaptured her. More mind control. The ringleader made the mistake of raising his belt to her. That’s when I visited him — and brought… friends.”
Lovejoy’s voice softened. “He remembered us — the ‘field people’ he’d seen years before. Soon he was in hospital, dying. She saved him — sentimental nonsense. But fate had him arrested in Alabama. Now he rots in prison.”
“So what’s next?”
Scene 6 – The Reveal
"Humans say revenge is sweet. We prefer it rich, aged, and with a hint of iron." – R. Lovejoy
Lovejoy smiled, that feline curl of the lip.
“Oh, the story isn’t over. They’re prey now. I am the hunter. Tiger. Wolf. And unlike most humans, they have no redeeming features whatsoever.”
The MI6 man’s voice was low. “If you aren’t human… what are you?”
Lovejoy’s gaze held his.
“Cro-Magnon didn’t die out, sweet pea. We’re still here. You just don’t see us… until it’s far too late.”
YouTube Shorts: Raoul Lovejoy — gentleman, predator, Nosferatu — delivers more razor-edged aphorisms from the roads of rural Suffolk.
👉 Click Here To Watch.