How Do You Know When Someone Is Genuinely Against You — Or Whether You Are Being Paranoid?
Picked up a few groceries at Tescos.
Relaxing for a bit.
Coffee.
That Jimmy’s brand seems like the best around.
Like nectar.
Wonder how that’s even possible?
PingaDingDing.
Signal call.
Clive, management exec and Dokology client, asking:
“How do you know when somebody is genuinely against you, versus when you’re simply becoming paranoid?”
My Reply…
One useful question is: what actual evidence do you have?
Not feelings.
Not guesses.
Not stories you’ve told yourself.
Evidence.
Did the person actually do something?
Did they repeatedly do it?
Is there a pattern over time?
Or are you constructing a case from fragments and assumptions?
The difference matters.
So firstly you observe what they say, how they say it, and look for any kinaesthetic (body) signals. How you interpret all this is not set in stone. You do it on the fly. Everybody is different, plus circumstances and environment play in.
You then analyse your own reactions to what you have observed, and look at your own thinking processes surrounding them.
For example, are you running narrative loops about the person?
Ask yourself whether they are true or not.
Do they fit the actual facts?
If you find that your self-talk is running continuously about the person, and it’s quite heated — setting off definite emotional responses — then you could well be in the realm of paranoia.
Often you will find yourself connecting the dots when it comes to a given individual — and be completely wrong in your conclusions. Could well be a set of coincidences led to you creating a pattern... but in truth there were a set of coincidences, but what you concluded turned out to be quite wrong.
The more you thought about it, it seemed true.
In reality, you fell into the trap of letting your self-talk rule you, rather than you ruling it.
You let it run unattended, as it were.
This causes an emotional response, which leads to yet more self-talk. And thus a feedback loop is created — one that is not easy to dispel.
But if you analyse a person’s behaviour with critical, objective thinking — and analyse your reactions in the same manner — you will be much more likely to tell whether a person is actually against you, or whether it’s paranoia on your part.
It’s surprising how often people create a fantasy scenario instead of dealing with the actual facts.
The self-talk machine loves stories.
Especially stories in which we’re the hero, the victim, the misunderstood genius, or the target of hidden enemies.
Reality is usually less dramatic.
The trick is learning to distinguish the signal from the noise.
That’s why self-observation matters.
Not because it makes you passive.
Because it makes you harder to fool — including by yourself.
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