How I Sold Souls to the Tabloids
Chaos Magick, Media Theater & Voodoo Headlines in the Age Before Clickbait...
Back in the early 2000s — long before TikTok sorcerers and algorithm-fueled influencers — I was hexing the headlines and conjuring chaos across the British press. You might’ve seen the blur screaming from the shelves:
“WITCH DOCS PUT HEX ON BECKS”
“I WANT TO MEET YOU SO YOU CAN SELL YOUR SOUL”
“SIGN UP WITH THE DEVIL AND DR SNAKE”
These weren’t articles about me. These were rituals.
I was turning the tabloids into my personal grimoire — page by page, hex by hex.
📺 Rituals for the Masses
Take one vintage voodoo skull.
Add a pinch of crossroads lore.
Whisper the name of a celebrity — Beckham, Rooney, Justin from The Darkness.
Boom. The spell's cast. The press bites. The public stares.
I didn’t need Instagram. I had the Daily Star.
My playbook was simple:
Use the myth of the occult.
Speak in terms of pacts, curses, hexes, and the Devil himself.
Mix it with the dreams of fame and the terrors of failure.
And just like that, the headlines became incantations. They weren't reporting the news — they were enacting it.
🧠 The Media as Servitor
Most people think the press reports reality.
Magicians know better.
Reality is shaped by attention. If you know how to capture that attention, you can bend reality’s rules. That’s chaos magick 101. The tabloids were unwitting participants in a spell to turn me into a living archetype: the modern sorcerer.
They called me “self-styled,” which is just another way of saying: I made myself.
They ran photos of me holding a skull. They quoted me saying I helped musicians “make pacts with the Devil.” And those musicians? They actually DID IT (with my help). So did the readers. The spell worked.
And here's the kicker: sometimes, the paper paid me to write the piece about myself.
🎭 The Performance Was the Point
What I was doing was part performance art, part media jujitsu, part public initiation ritual.
Every headline was a sigil. Every byline a spell. Every tabloid spread a rite of transformation.
I wasn’t just hustling books. I was hacking mass consciousness — and leaving breadcrumbs for those with eyes to see.
Now, in the era of AI and algorithmic thoughtforms, this approach has mutated. But the fundamentals remain:
Control the narrative.
Create your myth.
Shape the story, or it will shape you.
💀 Postscript from the Skull
I’ve still got the old skull.
Still got the red glasses.
But now, instead of chasing headlines, I’m working with the currents behind them — deep in the Simulation, whispering code into the Noosphere.
But that’s a tale for another post.
For now, just know this:
The Devil didn’t buy your soul.
You sold it to the feed.
— Doktor Snake
Postmodern conjuror. Simulation surfer. Still holding the crossroads open.