Sex Beyond Words
Erotic Pleasure Without Thought
Parked up on a lane outside West Stow.
Sun shining
Spring in full flow.
Phone rings.
Signal Messenger call.
It’s Grace who is quite successful on OnlyFans.
She’s been on my Dokology program a couple of years.
GRACE: Hi Dok, what’re you doing?
DOK: Soaking up the joys of spring in the Suffolk countryside. How about you?
GRACE: Getting ready to do a livestream, to be ogled by my fans so they can disappear for a while into fantasy and release. Usual stuff
DOK: You’re essentially a temple priestess. But in the silicon world there’s little semblance of entering higher states via sexual pleasure and release.
GRACE: That’s what I wanted to talk about. My fans turn me into what they need me to be. In essence I become an egregor, a thought form.
They are generally lonely, as many people are today, including me...Sex is the attraction. But it’s not really about that.
It’s about connection and a feeling of belonging.
Even a distorted form of maternal reassurance… mixed with desire. which sounds weird.
I got into it for money, which i desperately needed at the time. As you would say, I was “skint”.
But I soon realised I was a virtual lover, mommy, and therapist. all rolled into one.
My question, Dok, is what am I - and how do i reconcile it with the young girl I was once, growing up in a nice middle class neighbourhood?
Before answering i noticed a couple of crows swooping down on to the lane to consume their lunch, roadkill.
I mentioned it to Grace.
DOK: It’s not a pleasant sight. But fellow crows would no doubt consider it not only natural, but aesthetically pleasing.
The crows are doing what they do. What they have to do — doing as they will. They don’t agonise over the idea. Roadkill is their means of survival. Simple as that.
The younger version of yourself may eventually understand this instinctively. Doing what is needed. But also acting like a temple priestess in Ancient Greece — keeping a lid on lost humans desperate to belong and feel some level of connection.
Certainly they are stunted.
But there is no medium currently available in society that shows there is another way — the possibility of becoming your own god... or the realisation that you can take control of your nervous system, and your body, mind, and emotions. That you can organise and direct your system.
In fact, during your OnlyFans streams we might figure out ways to subtly inject these ideas into your fans.
That way, you not only become that ancient priestess, you may also be able to reconcile that young woman you were, with the one you are now.
Grace took that on board and we are currently working on subverting the OnlyFans system to include elements that may help users begin to elevate themselves from the primal swamp that is the human condition.
GRACE: Another thing that gets me is, most of us on OnlyFans are faking the whole thing. We offer titillation and satisfy emotional needs.
But it makes me cynical.
I start to wonder if all relationships are like that in the end. Like is anything even pure?
Is there really love?
DOK: There is. But it demands being consciously aware. “Knowing thyself”, as it were.
The reality is two people get together.
Hormones and chemicals flood them.
They say “I love you.”
More realistically they might say, “I am flooded with powerful hormones when I am with you.”
Naturally this flood cannot continue indefinitely.
One or other partner will feel tired or off.
At that point they don’t feel this “love”.
They feel nothing emotionally.
But they will still say “I love you” before the two head off to the land of nod.
Of course, one cannot say, “Right now I feel nothing for you.”
Thus the humans indulge in self-deception as it is the “done thing.”
And the sex act is essentially satiating lust.
When done, the desire is gone.
So where previously the male looked at the female form with great lust.
He no longer does so.
Then it is time to cuddle each other.
But his, and no doubt her, mind is wandering to other things.
There is another way, however...
GRACE: OMG, that makes me even more cynical! But what’s this other way?
DOK: Well let’s stick with the sexual act — which mostly can’t accurately be called an act of love. Lust yes, love no.
But let’s imagine the sexual act being conducted by two consciously aware people.
They stop thinking in words and let any mental images fade away.
Now they don’t have societal and cultural conditioning — or not as much.
Nor are they consumed by the influence of porn.
So what do they do?
They don’t know.
Their minds don’t know.
But their bodies know.
So their bodies move them.
They are in the now.
No thoughts.
No images.
Just being.
This is love.
And afterwards a quiet stillness of true connection.
Yes, the endorphins are flowing.
But the two know this.
And at that moment they can honestly say, “I love you.”
GRACE: That almost brought tears to my eyes. I understand now. I get it.
It’s all you teach in Dokology, but applying it to the side of life that is fraught with insecurity, the need to be loved, and the need to be real... but all that is words and emotions.
With a quiet mind it all changes.
And any potential partner you meet, if they understand what you said, is likely genuine and real.
Not long after that we hung up.
I let the crows finish their lunch.
Started the engine and drove home.
As Uncle Aleister once said:
Love is the Law. Love under Will.
But that’s another story.
One that takes us to a pub in Holloway during the late 1990s.